Sunday, January 29, 2012

Simple Living & Complex Thoughts

I am reading this book right now called Simple Prosperity by David Wann. It's about "finding real wealth in a sustainable lifestyle". It is fantastic and I'd highly recommend it to anyone, environmentalist or not, who seeks to have a more harmonious life. There are some fascinating looks at what really brings us happiness in life and what only makes us feel momentarily better.
I'm struggling with this a lot myself. You see, my medications for the bipolar disorder have helped tremendously with my depression, but at the same time often leave me feeling "flat" or incapable of seeing the unique ways in which life teaches us from moment to moment. I'm left with a feeling of nothing to say, though a lot of basic and important things happen around here on a regular basis. I spent today engaged in making laundry soap for my family- something visceral and real- and it made me happy for a moment that I was doing something so essential. But those moments have become fleeting and I feel like I am searching for simple things all the time. To compound my mental stress, I've begun having anxiety attacks at nearly the same time everyday, which feels both terrifying and bizarre.
I'm not sure anymore that my blog can be just about farming, just covering homesteading topics like making bread rise well and raising hens for eggs. I feel like somehow this ordeal has changed me, and I know it has and does affect the way I see the world around me and relate to it. No- this blog has become more about homesteading with a mental illness and all the challenges that entails. My everyday struggles just to get out of bed and lead this simpler life...seems somewhat impossible to separate the two facets of my life anymore.

So now I am struggling with this sense of forboding as I write this- unsure of how much to share here and what should remain just swimming around in my head.
I want so much for this blog to grow into a community of people who want a simpler life, of people who struggle with these challenges of mind, but don't feel I can do that without being honest- my best writing here was when I was purely myself without a filter.
Should I bravely go there again with my challenges homesteading as a bipolar woman who suffers from anxiety or should I just continue to tell only part of the story and relay only details related to country living? Hoping your comments will help me decide. Please leave them if you've read this and can relate or would simply like to be part of my community.

1 comment:

  1. Half a truth is still a lie, and while writing can sometimes be called creative lying, good writing is always deeply true. There's enough blogs out there with info about hens and bread, what the world needs is what only you can contribute to it, your unique story. Don't filter! You'll only kill what you really have to offer. I only just found your blog today, I'm looking forward to seeing more of it.