Small Pockets, Big Dreams

Last night the temps here soared into the high sixties and I couldn’t let the day go by without taking a
walk in the park. My father, daughter and I hiked what seemed like 5 miles and I realized how sedentary
I have been this winter, how much the depression wore on me and made me lethargic. I am out of
shape, surely, weighing the most I have ever weighed in my life save for when I was pregnant. It’s time
to get my workout on. We walked all the way around the lake by the time we were done, getting a good
stretch into my tired muscles that I am feeling today for certain.

They are calling for today to be even warmer than yesterday was, highs near 75, which is unusual for us
here in March. Last winter we were plowing this time of year; this year my husband took the plow off
the tractor to prepare to roll out the hills, valleys and cow footprints in our yard. I’m planning out an
herb garden and eagerly eyeing the pots on the back porch into which I have already sowed seeds for
lettuce, leeks, broccoli and cauliflower. Who knows if any of them will germinate, but I might as well try
and see if something can happen yet in this bizarre weather.

Tonight I am going to start to sketch out a plan for the cold frame for the back of the herb garden. I
got some used glass shower doors from my aunt last year that have been waiting for me to build a
box to set them on. I don’t know yet what I will plant in them, but it should be interesting to test my
rudimentary carpentry skills out with our circular saw and drill. It’s just a rectangle; how hard can it be?

Work today, as always, is slow. It’s great to write and meditate on things I want to change about my
life or do, a great time for the seeds of my future projects to germinate in my head and heart. Today
is a little challenging as I write this because I fear I’ve had a TAD too much coffee, so my hands are
shaking a bit and my heart is racing as I think about being outside in jeans and a t-shirt, doing work I
love. This work here, it just pays the bills, but there is nothing remotely exciting in processing deposits
and withdrawals for customers, except interacting with the people themselves. Some of my customers
are also gardeners and as the weather warms up and things begin to bloom and grow, so too do my
conversations with them about things that interest me. No more chats about just the weather- now I
am learning to grow potatoes in tires and how to trellis tomatoes the way the Amish do so they grow
larger. It’s fascinating to hear about things like this from financial analysts and doctors (our clientele is
rather well-to-do). This common interest, which stemmed from my reading The $64 Tomato at work,
has helped me break down communication barriers with people I find slightly unnerving and feel a bit
uncomfortable around, those with lots of money.

People with big bank accounts have always intimidated me a bit. Those that can (and do) enjoy the finer
things in life I think I have always felt looked down their noses a bit at me in my thrift store jeans and
$7 haircut. I don’t care about designer labels but being around people for whom that determines your
worth makes me a little queasy. Fortunately my clients here are not the snobbish type for the most part,
but I still feel uncomfortable wearing dress clothes and pretending to be professional, when inside I am
dying to be digging in dirt and writing in my journal about the size I hope this year’s strawberries will
be. It’s weird territory for me, being a grown up, and in many ways I don’t really care for it. I’d rather be
going to camp next week with my kid than earning a living this way, or making money stringing together
words for this blog or for freelance clients about things that matter. Being an adult is such a strange
thing, this land of responsibilities and schedules and fear. I’d rather have the carefree spirit of a child to

explore and interact with the world, to learn new things than be tied down like this.

A fellow blogger who is building her dream of farming and writing has a Paypal donation button on her
page and people send her money sometimes just to help the cause of her finding her dream. I don’t
know that I’d feel right about accepting donations, but I do need more freelance work to make my
writer/farmer dreams come true. If my blog readers would help out by telling people about my writing,
about my blog, that’d be a tremendous help to this little girl who doesn’t want to grow up.

If anyone you know needs help with their resume or some web copy for their business, article writing
for print or the web, tell them to send me an email at lexirain2001(at)gmail.com and explain what they
need. I’ll be more than happy to help however I can.