Hot Air

Strange things seem to happen here at the holidays... on Thanksgiving I woke to my neighbor's cow in my yard and on Christmas Eve we woke to a pounding on our door. People were here inquiring if they could land their hot air balloon in our yard. A hot air balloon. Of course we said yes...and several minutes later it was laying sideways in the driveway as they let the air out and detached the basket. Funny, the things you see out here in the country.
Nothing much new has been going on here, which is why I haven't been writing. There hasn't been much to say, other than that I am caught up a bit in my own head, trying to find my way back to the homesteading I love so much from this world I have fallen into of caring what people think, dressing to impress and aiming to please everyone around me. To be honest, that isn't me at all and it is taking some adjusting to figuring out how to balance the work side of me and the real side of me. It's challenging in that I don't really work hard physically and that's all I really want to do around my house. It's been easy to get caught up in a sort of lethargy that takes hold and sort of sucks the will to do anything at all out of you. I'm slowly getting it back, but it's been a rough way to go.
My moods have been a lot more balanced lately- that is to say that I feel flat and a bit empty like everything is colossally boring, except I know of all these things I used to love and now I can't bring myself to really care so much about anything, which totally sucks. I love homesteading, I love the lure of being independent and self-sufficient out here on my pretend farm. (That is, it will someday be a farm.) I love this lifestyle, but I am having such a hard time getting going again, getting over the hump of this mental block that I am sure I am making much more difficult than it should be.
I need some inspiration, and my darling hubs got me some for Christmas in the form of Jenna Woginrich's new book, Barnheart. It's neat to hear the story of another real-life homesteader and all the things she has gone through. I'm reading it and probably will read her other book, Made from Scratch again shortly after to get my juices flowing again.I just love Jenna's writing and like her, long to be making money with my words so I can live out the dream of homesteading full time.
That's another realization I have come to these recent weeks....I want to farm, but I want a subsistence farm, not a farm for profit. I don't want to raise or grow food for other people, just for myself and my family with a little bit to give away to others. I think that is one of the things that separate me from others in this niche- that I don't want to really farm. I want to SemiFarm, just for us.
Do you want to farm or semi-farm? What do you think the difference is for you? How do you balance who you are at work with who you are at home- are they different faces to the same person or do they integrate well for you? How do you do it? I would love to hear...

Thanks for listening to my hot air and about the hot air. I promise this blog will get better and better as I practice my writing and practice my thinking with this whole new way of living I am learning. Give me your feedback about what you like and hate so I can keep on growing and going.